Category Archives: Monologue


It’s really interesting how some blogs immediately manage to take off, moments after their first blog post. :/

Received a flyer from this new school in my town. A list of their ‘salient features’ includes:

‘Free Fee Ship for Hafiz Quran Students’ (No, seriously. Fee ship).

‘Electric Water Cooler’ (as opposed to a gas water cooler).

Very awesome. I suggest you send any kids you despise and want to intellectually cripple to this school.

On another note. I want that.



Moti Moti Gaaliyan

Spent the last 12 hours without electricity. Thanks Tabish Gauhar and Zardari. As well as the striking labour union that’s just doing it’s utmost to fuck up an already fucked up institution.

This post goes out to all those awesome authors who post patriotic bullshit on their blogs, blaming readers for their apathy which apparently is the sole cause of how fucked up our country is at the moment.

This reminds me of a convo I had a few days ago with a friend of mine who’s studying in Hong Kong:

Me: Hey. What’s up?

Him: Nothing much, bro. You tell?

Me: Gaaliyan deraha tha Zardari ko aur Tabish Gauhar ko. Light ka bahut fucked up scene hai.

Him: Yaar. Gaaliyan dene se kya hoga? Apne aap ko behtar karo. Saare maslay sahih hojaenge.


At this point, I think it should also be mentioned that this person is also a very religious Muslim and for some reason, religious people irk the shit out of me.

Their ‘sab-kuch-dua-maangnay-se-sahih-hojaega-and-if-it-doesn’t-then-there’s-probably-some-maslayhat-in-it-not-working-out attitude is one that I believe has adversely impacted our society worse than anything else. Plus, I honestly don’t see how me being awesomely punctual and regular with my saum-o-salat would result in KESC miraculously churning out enough electricity to bridge the 6000 MW shortfall that is fucking us up abhi.

But yes. All those people who talk about how Pakistan has the potential to be a superpower one day; how our nuclear bomb makes us the bomb; how one day we’ll serve as the rally point for Muslims all over the world, rise up and take over India… suck it.

With things going on the way they currently are, we’ll be lucky just to survive as a country over the next couple of decades, let alone rise as a superpower.

I think the only way that we will get to exploit our ‘potential’ (greatly exaggerated) is to get rid of the current political establishment. All of them. Not just the ruling party. Get rid of Musharraf, get rid of Altaf Hussain, get rid of Zardari, get rid of Imran Khan and bring in fresh new faces. Although that’s easier said than done. And sounds stupid.

However, this vicious cycle of martial law and ‘democratic’ corrupt leaders is all the more harming for this country; it erodes the public’s trust in democracy and leaves them frustrated and depressed.

I don’t know.

Perhaps, I should try to better myself.

Not A Case Of Exploding Mangoes

Why exploding balloons? I’ve always been frightfully terrified of balloons. My balloon-o-phobia is so intense that I can’t sit in a room if someone’s been assholistic enough to let float balloons in it. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to forgo awesome pie-in-the-sky or hobnob birthday cakes just because of the journey that was required of me in reaching that cake (to trudge through a room full of balloons AND teenagers; the kind that revel in popping balloons in each others’ faces. *shudder*)

I don’t know why it is so, though. Even the sight of balloons makes me cringe, makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I find myself leaning away from them.

It’s sad how my friends started picking on me as soon as they found out about my … ‘condition’. Yes. They’re partially responsible too; for my fucked up-ness and and my sheer disillusionment with… *fail at sounding uber-pseudo-emo-intellectual*

But yes. THIS^ is/was the mystery behind the title. In case you were wondering. Although this is kind of like talking to myself. Since I know that I’m the only one reading this right now. Hm. I shall think of this as a shout out to the future. Some day, someone wandering aimlessly through cyber-space will stumble upon this and will learn of the life-changing story behind ‘exploding balloons’.

PS: If I wasn’t such a ‘loon’, I would be ‘Exploding Balls’ right now. Or ‘bals’ ( which is what they called ‘balls’ in ancient babylon). Oh yeah.

PPS: I don’t remember the last time I wrote something. My writing skills are being very rusty. Combine that with my non-existent (of recent) reading habit and I’m sure ‘Imma come up with some serious shit, yo’. Yeah. Ignore the grammatical and jo bhi errors. Bitch.